This is not my ceiling
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
