Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
