Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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