discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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