Someone shit on the floor
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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