i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
