The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Randomize
