thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
