I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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