Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
