Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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