Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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