She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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