I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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