dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
