I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
