Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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