lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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