I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
