I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
