i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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