If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
