I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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