She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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