Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
