maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
