I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
