Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
