i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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