just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
