Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
