so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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