y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
