Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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