She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
