It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
