Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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