Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
