I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
