I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
