I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
