so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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