Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
