I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
