So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
