Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
