I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
