things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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