the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
