Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
