I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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