Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
