He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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