Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
