so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
