No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
