Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
