If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
